Glorious Chaos
by DrMckay
Summary: A list of random one or two-shot stories that are too crazy to continue but should at least be entertaining. Expect Crackfic, crossovers and crashingly circumspect contradictions of possibly purple prose.


Written as a challenge. Nothing but crackfic.

CORUSCANT, ONE WEEK PRIOR TO ORDER 66

In an abandoned warehouse in one of the seedier factory districts, there was a flash of light, and around eighty sentient beings appeared around a table. Few were over the age of thirty, all were in their physical prime, some didn't recognize each other, but and they all turned to face their nominal leader, one Wedge Antilles, as he smacked his forehead and grumbled,

"If this is some kind of Jedi thing, I'm going to kill Luke."

One of the younger women looked at him and cocked her head incredulously, "_Dad?_"

The Commander of Rogue Squadron, founder of the Wraiths, and a hardened combat veteran looked at the young woman, saw a resemblance, and managed to get out an

"er…" before the room dissolved into a cacophony of enthusiastic greetings, introductions and catching-ups, made more jubilant by the fact that several members of the gathering had died over the years.

Bhindi Drayson, Runt, Falynn and Estoric Sandskimmer, Jesmin Ackbar, Castin Donn, "Grinder" Thri'ag and Ton Phanan were back among the living. Face had a manic grin on his face as he went over to envelop his wingmate in a bone-crushing hug.

Wedge cringed. He was thirty years old, and he had been physically displaced with members of a Squadron he had just founded, some of whom hadn't been born yet, he had at least one daughter, and the worst comedy duo this side of the janitor's closet had been reunited.

There was even a Wookie.

That was when he noticed the datapad on the table next to credit vouchers totaling over 500 million _Republic_ Credits.

The datapad listed the date as a week before Chancellor Palpatine would purge the Jedi and declare the Empire.

Figuring out what had happened took approximately ten standard minutes.  
Plotting the downfall of the present Chancellor Palpatine took an even thirty.

Wes Janson (grinning diabolically,) put it best: "You don't understand. This is going to be really, really _fun_."

Suddenly all the past, present and formerly deceased Wraiths smiled. Existential crisis or not, they had a job to do.

And somewhere a chill went down Chancellor Palpatine's spine. He couldn't explain it.

There were, however, priorities.

Figuring out who was related to who took an entertaining couple of hours as Jesmin Tainer explained to Jesmin Ackbar how she got her name, and got to meet her parents at the same age she was while Myri Antilles told Wedge just who he would end up marrying.

An excursion to Mykrr took a day.  
Getting the Jedi to trust them took another day, when Jedi Knights Tyria and Jesmin Tainer visited Master Windu with a condensed history of the last/next twenty years, and a plan of action.

He smiled, and Palpatine's sense of impending _something_ became more acute.

Arranging for the Jedi start gradually "disappearing" or "perishing in combat" happened immediately.

Two days before Order 66, a new "Pirate" group showed up on the fringes of the Clone Wars, and captured three Separatist Naval Vessels to house "dead" Jedi Knights and the younglings who had been smuggled out of the Jedi Temple. It paid to have good slicers when going up against battledroids.

Designing and ordering stuffed Ewoks in bulk for the young Jedi took three days.

Chancellor Palpatine was having a strange week. With all of the Jedi dying suddenly on missions and disappearing from the Force, it should have been good, but somehow he had a strange feeling of impending doom.  
His enemies were falling at his feet, without needing to maneuver them into deathtraps.

Palpatine didn't trust it, and he was gratified to notice that something was wrong with his office. More specifically, with his Chancellorial chair next to the viewport.

There was a stuffed toy ursoid about half his height sitting in it, wearing a fetching leather hood. It was _adorable_.  
Then its eyes lit up, and a pre-recorded message in an annoying voice played, "Yub yub, Chancellor!"  
He shot a burst of Sith Lightning at it, planning to cook it into a burned crisp for some stress relief.

The toy exploded, blowing out the viewport and sending Palpatine tumbling back, rear over caf-kettle.

His guardsmen ran toward the newly-open space to no avail. Each was immediately shot in the head by a high-powered laser rifle.

That was when he noticed the cargo speeder that had appeared twenty meters outside his office had over a hundred Jedi masters in it. He then noticed that most of them had been "Presumed Dead" days earlier. Anakin Skywalker was nowhere to be seen.

Without a word, they ignited their blades and leapt across the gap.

Palpatine backed away, and tried to summon his hidden lightsaber from a Sith statue on a nearby shelf, but his Force Powers would not avail him.

This was bad. He ran for the door, only for it to open onto several humans, a Twi'lek and a Gamorrean all armed with flechette rifles, and wearing strange lizards mounted on odd backpack frames.

Palpatine smiled as he grabbed his second backup plan, a force pike hidden by the door, only to be surprised as the Gammorean pelted towards him faster than he would have thought possible, parried the blow with his rifle, and hit Palpatine in the face with the weapon's stock.

As everything went black, Palpatine could have sworn he heard the Gamorrean speak the same phrase that had started this mess, in slightly mechanical tones.

_"Yub Yub, Chancellor."_

-END-


End file.
